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Post by [s].x.[p].x.[e].x.[l].x.[l] on Jul 24, 2008 10:37:07 GMT -5
-sigh-
Putting "tries" in there a couple of times isn't changing the godmoding. You still end up killing him. That's major godmoding. And, you shouldn't have him attack more then twice in one post. It's too much for the other person to react to. Maybe you should look at a few of the role playing threads that are already here.
Click here for a pretty long fight scene between my character Shockwave and Snowpaw. Please notice how we only attack once or twice, and leave room for the other person to choose whether they are hit or not. Godmodding is bad and looked down upon. [/size][/color]
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Post by [C]laystar-- on Jul 24, 2008 22:42:04 GMT -5
I did notice. It's just that this RP sample isn't ready to be accepted yet.
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Tornstar
Not Accepted Yet
UNDER SEVERE PROBATION[/color]
The Darkness within knows all
Posts: 27
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Post by Tornstar on Jul 29, 2008 0:10:42 GMT -5
i fixed it to something reasonable i guess
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Post by [C]laystar-- on Aug 8, 2008 18:11:54 GMT -5
"AAAAAAAAH!" Tornstar yells as he charges toward Wildheart with lethal claws. He leaps at Wildheart and slashes along his side. "Yeah, finally a good fight!" Tornstar yowls with freakishly evil delight. "Come on fight back!" Torn taunts. "I need some fun." he said. 'Ha I feel this one I'm gonna have fun with.' he thinks gleefully. Torn then pads around Wildheart in a circular order slowly. 'Ha this'll get him raving with suspension for an attack.' he thought. Torn was getting bored with just walking and not fighting. 1-- It needs to be in past tense. That means instead of 'charges' and 'taunts' it needs to be charged and taunted.
2-- You are missing punctuation, particularly commas.
3-- Your usage of various words are incorrects, such as suspension. 'Circular order' also makes no sense.
4-- There need to be a paragraph break between 'delight' and 'Come on, fight back!'.
5-- You need to be more detailed in general, and make your post longer.
On a side note, the post that you made and I subsiquentally locked ignored and exhibitted absolutely none of the coaching we have been giving you. You need to remember to use these tips in al posts that you make. [/size][/center]
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Tornstar
Not Accepted Yet
UNDER SEVERE PROBATION[/color]
The Darkness within knows all
Posts: 27
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Post by Tornstar on Sept 1, 2008 12:41:32 GMT -5
Tornstar had been padding around the woods looking for something to do when unexpectedly, a rogue pounced out of the shadows of the thrush at him. "What the-" he started to say before he was bowled over. He jumped up getting into fighting position but not unsheathing his claws. "Why are you here, why did you attack me?" he asked. He then stood stock still waiting for an answer. He sheathed and unsheathed his claws into the ground, out of view, so he could deal with some stress of this incident.
OOC- now?
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Post by [C]laystar-- on Sept 1, 2008 22:31:22 GMT -5
Torn. Have you not listened to anything? You cannot [/b] God like that. There are few respectable RPGs that would accept a post like that. Perhaps try a scene that isn't a fight. Check your spelling. You incorrectly spelled at least two words, as well as forgot an apostrophe where one was needed. Try using more thoughts and descriptions in your writing-- currently, you have a large amount of speech that out weighs the actual content. And again, don't god mode. Try again.[/color][/size][/center]
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Post by [s].x.[p].x.[e].x.[l].x.[l] on Sept 1, 2008 23:33:42 GMT -5
Neh? Posts! Yaay! -purr- I ish happy!
Oi, * Wheaty-chin, wait, he's almost there. Use the spell check, Torn-kuhai, and instead of actually attacking, do something like this...
"Yuki practically jumped out of his fur as the Clan cat lunged at him out of no where. Having little time to think, the slender tom sprang backwards, nearly falling in the wet leaves. He quickly aimed a blow at the Clan cat, before backing away with unsheathed claws."
That's a small section of a post I wrote on another site. Please note that I don't actually say whether or not Yuki hits the Clan cat or not. That's up to him to decide. For example...
Person A: Bob the rogue pounced out of the brambles at Bill.
Person B, the person playing Bill can now choose whether or not his cat is pounced on.
Person B: Bill heard the rustling of the brambles behind him. He quickly rolled out of the way, avoiding being hit.
Or...
Person B: Bill padded through the trees quietly. He heard a rustle, but before he knew it, a rogue was on top of him.
Trust me, we are all good sports here and let our cats be hit often. You don't need to god mode or power play to win, or even participate in a fight. We're not saying you have to change Tornstar to make him less violent, just that you can't choose the fate of other characters.
Remember, due to the lack of posting, I am grumpy and less patient then usual. Follow our guidance or I will take more forceful actions.
* Wheaty-chan, but in a cuter way. [/size][/color]
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Tornstar
Not Accepted Yet
UNDER SEVERE PROBATION[/color]
The Darkness within knows all
Posts: 27
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Post by Tornstar on Sept 16, 2008 0:58:41 GMT -5
Tornstar was padding around the forest looking for something to do. When he came across a rogue he stood stock still. 'Wait why should I be afraid of a rogue?' he thought darkly. He shook himself back together and called out, " Hey who are you and why are you on my territory?" he asked harshly. He wanted in answer, and fast! He was already ticked for an unauthorized cat to be on his land.
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