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Icefur
Jan 4, 2008 1:42:23 GMT -5
Post by icestar on Jan 4, 2008 1:42:23 GMT -5
Icefur walked onto the water clan territory, he knew that his sister was here. He thought it would possible be able to stay with her. He called out for her and sat by the reeds. He waited for an answer, he hoped that noone else was with her or he might have a fight on his paws. He looked down at himself he was a blue and black tom, who was unnormally big for a cat. His wiskers twitched as he smelled his sister coming. He turned around and smiled, he was glad to see her after six moons of being away. He saw her come through the reeds, and he troted up to her. He nuzzled her soft cheek, for he was so happy, he had hope for no rejection. He looked at her through his icy blue eyes, searching her for the answer that he would hope to find.
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Icefur
Jan 4, 2008 17:18:00 GMT -5
Post by Phantomstar on Jan 4, 2008 17:18:00 GMT -5
Capitalize the first letters in a sentence and try to reduce the amount of 'and's. Use real words, territory instead of terra. Place commas where there is a natural pause. Try to make sure words are spelled correctly. Fix some of these and you'll be accepted.
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Icefur
Jan 4, 2008 17:43:08 GMT -5
Post by icestar on Jan 4, 2008 17:43:08 GMT -5
thank you i will do it right away
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Icefur
Jan 4, 2008 18:45:42 GMT -5
Post by radii0actiiv3 on Jan 4, 2008 18:45:42 GMT -5
Terra is another word for earth... I use it a lot...
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Icefur
Jan 4, 2008 23:59:35 GMT -5
Post by Phantomstar on Jan 4, 2008 23:59:35 GMT -5
Good. ACCEPTED.
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