Frozenbreath- shadowclan

[frozenbreath]

Other accounts: Mintfeather, Rockfang


Name: Frozenbreath


Clan: ShadowClan


Rank: Warrior


Age: 23 Moons


Gender: Tom


Appearence:

Fur: Handsome dark grey tabby with deep black stripes
and short fur. His fur is exremeley soft though and prickles when he is happy. His fur does not lie flat but rather sticks up and is rather shaggy. Another thing about him is he has a white dimond shape marking on his chest. Frozenbreath also has four white paws and a black tipped tail and ears.

Eyes: Frozenbreath has a black pupil and ice blue colored eyes outlined with a silvery grey color. When some cats look into his eyes they feel hatred and anger. Sometimes in battle when his tempature heats up (liteally) His eyes turn to a deep auburn red color to blood red. He is blind from his left eyes from his father but no cat knows it.

Build: Frozenbreath's build is thick and muscular. He has thick legs and a neck and is kinda fat.

Other: The tom's claws are abnormally long as are his whiskers. He has a scar across his left eye from his father and a claw across his stomach, also from his abusive father.


Personality:
Kits: Frozenbreath HATES kits. He thinks they are annoying and mousebrained. Frozenbreath especially hates the way they talk, he calls it *high pitched*. He is cold to them so none really ever talk to him and just plain out avoid him.

Apprentices: Sadly he doesn't really like apprentices either, he thinks they act like they are better than him and also mousebrained. Although he will train an apprentice he is mean and aggresive towards them. He wont show the least bit of respect to them and treats them like dirt. Frozenbreath acts like he is better than them and is VERY cold to them.

Warriors: Frozenbreath at least shows warriors some respect, but still vainly thinks better of himself compared to all other cats. He acts cold to them too, but doesn't try to pick out fights. He hates shareing tongues with the other warriors and thinks of their gossip as a waste of time. He also treats warriors younger than himself like apprentices and orders them around.

Medicne cats: He respects the medicne cats most, for he has been saved many times by them, especially mintfeather, even though he hates her. He is kind to them and thinks they should eat first. He is warm to other clans medicne cats too, though. Lastly he will sometimes help Mintfeather collect herbs but wont take them, he hates the flavor, and mintfeather for that reason. No cat can figure out why he doesn't like Mintfeather.

Leader and deputies: He also respects these cats too, especially for their hard work and dedication to the clans. He is kind to them and looks up to them. He is ambitous too though and wishes to rule the forest. He thinks they are hard working and brave. (Even if he still thinks better of himself). Frozenbreath wont speak out against their judgement and respects them.

Cats of other clans: He despises cats from other clans and would kill them if he got the chance. Frozenbreath thinks that the other cats are unworthy to live becuse he thinks shadowclan should rule the forest. He is aggresive toward them and mean. He acts all high at gatherings and treats them like dirt. He wont kill them in a battle only becuse he is extremely loyal to the warrior code. Frozenbreath all in all hates cats from other clans.

Cats without clans: He despises rogues, loners and kittypets. He will kill any cat he catches on Shadowclan terrotery. He has killed two rogues. The first was his father, the other was when he left after he killed his father. He thinks they are unfit to live and will break the warrior code when he gets the chance. Only to kill non-clan cats.

All in all: Frozenbreath is a mean and aggresive cat who is a murderer and is very bloodthirsty. He will kill to get what he wants and is ambitous. He plans to join ghostclan and take over the forest.


History: Frozenbreath's father was once part of ghostclan, as was Frozenbreath, but he hated how they followed no rules and didn't have a leader or medicne cat, so he left and stumbled across shadowclan.

"Death" A tom's voice growled, he was a thick grey tabby tom. An extremely thin she cat stepped out of the undergrowth. "what do you want now Blood" she growled looking at the tom. Death turned her head around and began to clean blood off her black pelt. "Monsters" She growled, then turned back to blood. "How is my kit"? She asked warily. He narrowed his eyes at her "Frozenkit is doing well, he will make a formidable opponent someday" Blood growled smileing. Death nodded then turned and bounded away, blindly bounding into the thunderpath, a screech was heard, as was a yowl... then all was quiet.

A small grey and black tom stood in a clearing, his cold eyes fixed on a grey tabby in front of him. "Attack me frozenpaw" he growled to the small black and grey tom. Frozenpaw lunged toward him, but the grey tabby was quicker, with a heave of one of his massive paws he knocked the apprentice aside and right into a tree. The small body fell limp to the ground. "Blood" Frozenpaw growled "yo.. you hurt me... again". Blood narrowed his eyes at him "to learn how to fight you must feel pain and learn how to dodge even the most strongest's warriors moves". Frozenpaw coughed up some blood, then looked up at Blood with pure hatred in his eyes, he attacked his father and bit down hard into his neck. Blood screeched angerily then fell linp as the small aprentice bit down into his neck with sharp fangs. Frozenpaw spat at the body bitterly. "Oh no" he gasped, relizing he had killed him. Frozenpaw looked once more at the body before turning and running into the woods.

Frozenpaw ran blindly through the woods. He hit another cat and they both toppled over. "Hey, watch where you are going" the other cats spat at him. Frozenpaw lifted up his head to lokk at the other cat, it was a small and beautiful creamy brown she cat with deep green eyes. "S..sorry" he mewed quietly, looking at the ground. He lifted his eyes to look at her. "Wh.. who are you" he asked warily. She twitched her tail "Mintpaw, and you"? she asked him, her green eyes full of curiosity. "I'm.. well Frozenpaw". he whispered. "Oh, okay then, Frozenpaw, come with me", she purred "i'm the medicne cat apprentice, i will get my full name soon". With that the two cats took off through the woods to the camp.

Frozenpaw joined shadowclan and eventually got his warrior name and now serves shadowclan, he was accepted into the clan and had a normal life after that.

[snowpaw<3 XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

In appearance, add what shape and texture his claws and teeth are. If you get hit by Frozenbreath will you get a serious injury, or a small scratch? Also add details about the tail. Is it curved, or always straight for some reason we don't know of? And so on.

For personality, add how he reacts to other cats, especially kits. Does he think they are annoying, or does he adore them? Does he get along with anyone, or nobody? And so on.

Generally, you have to add more DETAILSSSSS!!!!! SPELL CHECK, AND READ IT OVER AGAIN!! THEN CHECK GRAMMAR!!!!!!!! ((Sorry if i'm being really rude. Just trying to help >.<'

[silverthorn]

Mintfeather, this is your THIRD cat. Surely you know how an ACTUAL bio should look like. You know you can't just get away with a few sentences and say you're done. I would think the third would be your best, but you seem to be getting lazier. Try to follow a simple format by dividing up the appearance and personality:

-Appearance (try describing how he looks at night)-
Fur: (about four sentences describing the fur color, texture, etc)
Eyes: (about four sentences describing the eyes)
Build: (again, about four sentences)
Other: (a few things that make him special in appearance)

-Personality-
Kits: (about four sentences about his personality around kits)
Apprentices: (again, four sentences)
Warriors: (four sentences)
Medicine Cats: (four sentences)
Leaders and Deputies: (try to have six sentences for this one)
Elders: (four sentences)
Cats From Other Clans: (try five sentences for this one)
Cats Without Clans: (five sentences)
Overall Personality: (around three sentences about what his main personality is--try describing his eat habits)

Don't make the sentences choppy. Try adding a whole other section called "Other" under history to put stuff that doesn't fit in appearance or personality. Like, when you are role playing him, what color font do you use (if you use any at all) or maybe how he smells? Go into a deep descripition of your character, but be aware that he may change his personality during role play (whether it be you found a better personality for him or something happened), and if that does happen, change the bio (or if an event happened in a role play, change the personality and then put the event and the effects in history).

If you try doing something along the lines of that, you'll get a best bio =3

[[s].x.[p].x.[e].x.[l].x.[l]]

Exactly. Well put.

On another not, you seem to have a habit of ending your history as a cliff-hanger. Please, fill it out until the present time.

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[Coldfoot]

Thank you, Rin. And yes, cliff hanger can be annoying and don't explain how his life went up until the current point in time.

[mintfeather]

okay, is that good?

[Coldfoot]

Make sure there are spaces between sub-categories, so it looks neater. Try making it a bit longer and get into a better depth. I know you can do better, Mint.

[snowpaw<3 XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

What rank are you going for?

[Phantomstar]

-Sighs- Third bio, and you still don't get it? You'd think this'd be the best of em but actually its nearly as bad as your first attempt. It looks cluttered and out of place, very little true description. More detail. Detail. DETAIL! If this bio doesn't get up to the best bios standards by next Sunday, I will not hesitate to delete you for laziness.... I hate laziness....

I am completely serious. Not to be rude or anything, but I'm tired of it...

[mintfeather]

okay, finally on, i was grounded for a couple days... sadly, so i will fix it now, and the rank is a warrior

[Dr{E}am]-[eart]

Just a bit longer